Fatal Thoughts
by chill guy
Summary: One Shot. After Asuka is placed in a coma, Shinji can't take life anymore. Overwhelmed by his situation, and the thought of his own worthlessness he makes a fatal decision. Revised


Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, blah blah I think we all know

that.

I was listening to the song "Suicidal Thoughts" by The Notorious B.I.G.

and it inspired me lol.

**I'd like to say big ups to Cerdic Of Wessex for fixing the grammar errors I had made on this piece. Make sure you go and check out his work YA HEAR. **

Right after you read this of course.

And now on with the story.

----

It was quiet.

The apartment's sole occupant sat on his bed, his head in his hands.

The silence was maddening, a constant reminder of the reasons why the

apartment held only one of the usual three occupants.

Shinji Ikari sat his eyes red and puffy, his tears spent. He'd done

much crying ever since that day.

_It's all my fault. If… If only I'd been stronger, I could've saved __her._

But the bottom line was that he hadn't been. The results were so

painful that they were steadily consuming him.

_Asuka's in a coma because of me and my weakness. W-what good am I if a _

_can't even protect those I care for? _

In his mind he knew the answer—

None at all.

He wasn't good for anything. He was just there taking up space. He was

worthless and alone.

His life was proof of that.

_Father left me... the only reason he sent for me was to pilot Eva and _

_I'm not even capable of doing that. He can have me replaced if he wants __to._

_Misato took me in, but that's only because she didn't like the idea of _

_someone my age staying alone. She would've done it for anyone._

_And Asuka…_

His thoughts went to the fiery redhead that he had come to know and

care for, whose comatose state was the cause of his depression.

_She hates me._

_Weak, little boy, spineless, baka_. They were various terms she had

used for him. It was quite obvious to him how she felt.

_She'd probably hate me now more than ever. I failed her when she _

_really needed me._

_I'm worthless._

The word seemed to echo in his mind.

He knew they'd all be happier if he wasn't around anymore. No more

Shinji to fail those around him. No more of him running away, crying, and

letting down those who depended on him.

_I want to leave._

His already fragile mind had reached its peak, and he simply could not

deal with it any longer. It was time for him to go.

For the first time since his deliberating, he acknowledged the object

lying on the bed next to him. The revolver lay silent as Shinji's gaze

fell upon it.

Yes, it was all clear now. He wouldn't feel any more pain and he

wouldn't be able to fail others any more… except for this last time.

While he knew he probably wouldn't feel anything, he would be failing

those around him… again.

_I'm running away, just like before. I'm a coward. I… I don't deserve _

_to live anymore._

He stood up, grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, and wrote a note to

Misato, hoping it would answer some of her questions and hopefully

Asuka's, when she woke up. _If she woke up_, he corrected himself.

He placed the note on the kitchen counter and walked back to his room.

It was awkward that Pen-Pen hadn't come out of his fridge all day.

_I guess that doesn't matter anymore._

He smiled to himself, some relief having been found in finally making a

decision.

He walked slowly back to his room, making sure he took a good look

around the apartment he had called home. It would be the last time he would

ever see it.

_I hope they can forgive me. I just couldn't do it anymore_.

With that he made it to his room and closed the door behind him.

Walking over to his bed he grasped the cool metal of the gun in his hands.

After checking to make sure it was loaded, he laid down on his bed

placing his head on his pillow.

He smiled once more to himself as he brought the muzzle of the gun to

his temple.

A lone shot rang through the apartment.

-------

"I'm home!" Misato Katsuragi voiced. She was too tired to yell.

The events of the last couple of weeks had really been wearing on her,

and to top it off she'd had to work late shifts for the last few days.

Her mind absently wandered to the other occupant of the house when she

noticed there was no food waiting for her. He usually had it wrapped

up and sitting on the table for her.

In its place was a note, folded and laying in the middle of the table.

_He's probably tired too_. She thought to herself, though it still was

strange, considering he usually cooked dinner in spite of his mood or

fatigue.

She walked to the fridge and grabbed a Yebisu. She opened it, took a

sip of the cool liquid, and make her way to the table to read the note he

had left for her.

As she analyzed the note's contents, her expression turned from that of

casual curiosity to horror as her mind registered each word.

_NO_! her mind screamed as she dropped her beer and the note and ran

for the boy's room.

As she opened the door, Misato froze at what she saw. Her mind too

overwhelmed to tell her mouth to scream.

There lay Shinji Ikari, his mouth curved up in a smile of release, his

bed stained crimson.

----

AN: Well this a revised repost. I hope you guys didnt mind the format to much, it got kinda messed up in the e-mail.

I hope you enjoyed the story. I hopefully have some things in the works so look out for them. I'ma new writer so of course

critism's are welcome. It all helps in the long run. Well I'm out

Much love – chill guy


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